February.

Oh February, what a month you’re turning out to be.  I’ve experienced overwhelming joy and crushing loss, sometimes in the same day.  I’ve grieved for my family.  I’ve grieved for my childhood.  I’ve grieved for things I’ve lost which can’t be found again.  I’ve grieved for things I’ve lost that were never really mine.

But I’ve also been touched by kindness and compassion, both by virtual strangers and lifelong friends.  I’ve started learning to ask for help – so hard for me to do – and I’ve felt my heart open up.  I’ve felt how much my close friends love me and how willing they are to step into the void left by my family.  I’ve realized that my friends are my family.  I’ve been caught by the striking beauty of a single moment, and have in turn been bowled over by the heartbreaking wonder that is this precious and too-ephemeral life.

When I was at my lowest, I received an unexpected gift:  my first ever network television audition, for Grey’s Anatomy.  The best part of going in to read those three lines today was being able to walk into the room and not need anything from anyone except to simply be who I am, to sit inside myself, free, and say the words on the page aloud.

Thank you, universe.  I am blessed.  I am grateful.  I am listening.

Until next time, friends.

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