Last week, I finished the first draft of my screenplay. It was a goal I’d set for myself so long ago – a goal which I had so often delayed – that part of me couldn’t believe that I had actually achieved it, and that I was really, truly, typing the words “Fade Out” on the bottom of page ninety-eight.
However, though I felt an initial surge of excitement upon reaching this milestone, my joy quickly turned to dread. I felt scared. Heavy. Worried.
The negative self-talk started screaming through my brain. “You finished it?” “So what?” “It’s not done. Not by a long shot.” “You’ll probably never finish it.” “And even if you do, who cares?” “Your story isn’t particularly interesting, Sarah. No one is going to want to see this movie.”
It took me three days after completing the first draft to force myself to sit down and read the whole thing from beginning to end, with an eye on what needed to be clarified, edited, and fixed. The process was horrible. As I read along, my self-judgment got worse and worse. Words like “stupid,” “cliché,” and “boring” sprang to mind. One particular scene made me laugh out loud as I covered my mouth in horror, thinking, “I can’t believe I wrote that.”
And on and on it went. My younger self would have been so discouraged at the end of it, I would have buried the entire document in a folder on my laptop and not looked at it again for months, until one night after I’d had too much wine and was feeling masochistic, I’d pick it up again and cry my way though it, bemoaning my poor talentless self and all the months I’d wasted on writing something that was never going to be any good and was never going to see the light of day.
But I am not my younger self. I am older now, and I – usually – know better. The older me took all of my harshest criticism and wrote it down, trying to make my notes as constructive as possible. The older me reminded myself that first drafts are almost always terrible, and I didn’t write this first draft to be brilliant, I wrote it to get to the end. The older me knows that this process is painful, but also knows that the only way to make the pain stop is to keep writing, keep pushing, keep showing up and doing the work. The older me knows that I can’t give up, because if I do, the unfinished work will turn into yet another unrealized dream that will haunt me. And I have too many of those already, thank you very much.
I am fortunate enough to have lots of amazing friends who are actors, writers, artists. And I believe that if we’re honest, we all grapple with the same fears, the same longing, the same self-doubt. We all worry that we’re not talented enough, not smart enough, not unique enough to add our voices to the crowded chorus of storytellers already out there in the world. But it’s not just the artists, is it? Don’t we all harbor a secret “Who do I think I am?” that holds us back from taking bold steps toward our biggest dreams?
After beating myself up for a good long time, I picked up my much-beloved copy of Steven Pressfield’s book “Do the Work.” (If you are trying to finish anything, get it, use it. I am not kidding – this book will change your life). I paged through it as I often do, to remind myself that nothing worth doing is ever easy. I laughed when I got to this part on page 46:
Sometimes on Wednesday I’ll read something that I wrote on Tuesday and I’ll think, ‘This is crap. I hate it and I hate myself.’ Then I’ll re-read the identical passage on Thursday. To my astonishment it has become brilliant overnight. Ignore false negatives. Ignore false positives. Both are Resistance.
And then, in big, bold letters, he writes:
Keep working.
In the end, I have no control over whether people love or hate my story. By extension, I have no control over whether people love or hate me. Making people love me is not my job. My job is to show up and do the work on a consistent basis, and to try every day to get a little bit better. The story that’s burning a hole inside of me deserves that. So every day, I try to remind myself that the process, not the end result, is what I have control over. The process, not the end result, is what demands my focus.
And I also try to remind myself that I have a community of friends and supporters – many of them right here on WordPress – with whom I can share my process, my fears, my journey. And this community reminds me that there’s nothing wrong with the struggle. The struggle is part of the story.
Lucky me.
Until next time, friends.
Extra Dry Martini 
Another wonderful piece, Sarah. I love you and your work!
So true. Well written. i have 2 books started and well advanced but have not been worked on for months. I’ll bear your words in mind and restart the process. Thanks
Reblogged this on todaysdiywoman.
I will probably react just the same way (to the word!) when (yes I am convinced I will!) I finish my first draft – hoping for this to happen next week so check back in if you feel like reading the same thing – with a few changes 😀
Congratulation though! You must be proud and however terrified, know that it only shows how much this means to you!
Good luck with the editing.
Very inspirational! I enjoyed your post. Thanks for reminding me that it is ok to feel doubt, but you got to keep moving to accomplish your goals. The pain in the process is well worth the rewards when you have accomplished a goal. Thanks again for reminding me it is ok to be human.
👏 love this one. Very relatable.
Sent from my iPad
>
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I am looking to finish my first rough draft of the biography about my father in May. My first book.
So true, so beautifully written, your blog is great, and I’m sure your story too. You’re talented. You should be proud! ; ) (sorry if my comm is not perfectly written, I’m french and love reading english-written blogs but I’m not so good at writing as I should!)
Your English is great, Charlotte!
Love the passage about what you’ve written being brilliant one day and abysmal the next- its just so true! I’m constantly trying to write down and finish an idea I’ve had for ages, I guess its true: you’ve just got to keep working! 🙂
Wonderfully written, enjoyed reading that and
Congratulations! Even I am writing my first book which is a complicated love story, which will be published early next year.
Oh wow! Congratulations to you! At the moment I am definitely only in the early stages of a story that I imagine will be something I look back on in years and cringe at reading- but I’m enjoying writing it now which is the most important thing!
Thank you very much! I’m in the middle stage currently… Yeah I know… Writing is incomplete without thinking. If our mind is fresh and writing also becomes interesting
Exactly! I keep going through stages of writing block and then just trying to push through it…not sure how well it’s going, but not too badly I hope!
Just do it from your heart, I’m sure you’ll get the sweetest fruit
Fingers crossed!
Everything will go good
I’m only 30 pages in but I’ve got all the chapters planned out (in theory!) I just have to write them now!
Yeah! Plannings important. Do with full dedication.
i loved that particular line- ignore false negatives, ignore false positives. Both are resistance. thanks for sharing 🙂
Same here! 🙂
Man write that screenplay, WRITE IT AND ITLL BE AMAZING z()im gonna look at that book now)
Reblogged this on Smiley like I mean it… and commented:
Had to share, this is awesome!
I’m taking my first step as well. Please check my blog. And what a beautiful article:)
☺☺☺
The celebration for finishing your screenplay, rather a draft or ready to go, arrived on schedule. Celebrating the steps – at times – is what keeps us going. I make a toast to the completion of your draft and any completed artist endeavor for that matter. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you!
An artist once said. A true artwork is never really finished, until somebody takes it off your hands. Then it’s finished 🙂 Maybe its the same as writing.
🙂
Congratulation
Pingback: Little steps. Big steps. First steps. | Hyperspace, etc.
🙂 it’s interesting how one stumbles on some pieces they scribbled awhile back and wonders if there was someone else leaving inside their thoughts. You are so talented!
Thanks for sharing such an inspirational piece. I usually have this nice idea of what I want to write but when I do, its never as fulfilling as when it was just a thought. Its nice to know people share these feelings too and hopefully your example will remind to never give in to my doubts.
Reblogged this on Stuck In Perpetual Soliloquy and commented:
This doesn’t just concern writing. It actually relates to every part of life. Really worth reading.
Well written!
Reblogged this on dwangira and commented:
I loved reading this immensely.I am in my little steps.
First Congratulations for living your dream! How great does that feel. Second that was your Ego stepping all over your screenplay, it could have been award-winning but Ego needs to take control, don’t let it! You might want to search on Youtube the Oprah Winfrey interview with Jill Bolte Taylor and watch it. Quite fascinating what the left brain will do to the right brain. Keep writing and tell your Ego to go sit in the corner!!! 🙂
Beautifully inspirational, I totally can understand how you feel. So relatable. This post is so deep and emotional to my heart
It would mean everything if you went and checked my page!
Keep inspiring! :^)
God I can relate to all of this.. That made me fell many things at once.. killer article..
The struggle is real. But worth it 🙂
Thank you! I think people mis-understand writing and creating other art as ending at a clear point. As you say “Fade out” is not the end of the screenplay–it’s the end of the first draft.
I’m always working on learning languages, for which there is no clear “end” point. I find myself frustrated sometimes with not having made more progress than I have. This is pointless–actually, worse than pointless. I lose momentum, confidence, and progress this way.
My solution has been to look constantly at the progress I’ve made rather than the progress my insane thinking says I “should have” made. This helps me be realistic.
Again, thank you for your realistic look at getting this thing done. Congratulations!
Very inspiring:)
Great post. I swing from having total confidence in my writing to thinking it’s total pants. Chocolate helps 😉 Don’t give up.
Reblogged this on lilmunchkin30's Blog.
I really liked this. I almost didn’t read it cuz I thought I was too tired. I clicked on read more anyway. I am glad I did.
That’s so inspiring! You’re amazing, and it makes me feel better about my work too. I always ask myself if other people think that way, and I’m so thankful for your post. Keep doing your thing! X
Well written!
I needed this today. Congratulations btw!
Congrats! That’s a huge accomplishment.
I’m going through somewhat of a writing-rough-patch too. This fits into my current situation so well. And it helps too… Thanks.
👏..wow..really..inspiration! I enjoyed & also learned alot..thanks!✌👌👏
You’re doing great.
Onward!
go a head friend, even the sky will not be the limit if u are determined
Rings true with so many writers.
Your story is the voice of all those tyros who want to initiate something but falteron the way. Great piece of work:)
True inspiration, especially for those of us not as far along. Thank you for the push!
Well done. Keep doing the work, Sarah.
Reblogged this on shivampanchal and commented:
Worth An Eye.
Reblogged this on waadualmahdi7.
This is very inspirational and true. Thank you for reminding that one cannot accomplish everything at one go, you have to strive harder an then only you will succeed and be satisfied. I love this post because i love people’s story. This is amazing .
Love this. It’s just what I needed today. So glad to have come across your blog! I look forward to trawling through your archives. Thank you!
Reblogged this on Human Relationships and commented:
Little Steps. Big Steps. First Steps.
Reblogged this on 2014t's Blog.
Sometimes it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Which inevitably results in stagnation. Never moving forward. Never going anywhere. It takes dedication and a lot of reminders to pull yourself together and proceed on. I applaud you for the completion of your piece. Well done!
Reblogged this on The Awkward Moment .
Reblogged this on Mobile world.
Reblogged this on mancysaxena.
You nailed it!
So true. Well written.
If you don’t have any idea then get idea from the stories of other’s life how they gets out from diffrent situation.
I love you! T_T
Reblogged this on icannotdenythyneed and commented:
THIS has accurately described my struggles when I write. God! It’s good..!
I loved this piece. It is very similar to a post I wrote last week dealing with fear of failure. Thanks. Keep going!
You’re definitely not the only one who feels that way 🙂
love this!
Definitely going to pick up the book. Loved part on page 46 :), and of course congratulations!
Claro que sí adelante….tengo tantas fotos que editar….me animas porque lo mismo me pasa cuando critico mi trabajo.:-)
Pingback: Little steps. Big steps. First steps. | inhaling life, exhaling words
The only way to stop the pain is to keep working on the same thing that made you fail. So true and loved that part.Beautifully written.
I really needed this inspiration:) I can relate! TY for being you darlin’!
If the screenplay is truly “stupid, cliche, and boring” (which I doubt it is), rejoice! Hollywood may want it after all!
So inspiring. Keep writing! God bless!
You remind me of myself. I am like this when I write as well. I think sometimes, I need distance from my work so that I can look at it with a fresh perspective the next time around. Keep writing!
People think that professional writes and famous authors have some sort of calling they’ve fulfilled, and while this may be true, they mistakenly think that it’s easy for them.
Writing is sometimes the easiest thing in the world, and sometimes it’s something I think I could never do.
The key to survival is have no pride. The key to success is to never give up.
Every day you get better, even if you think you don’t.
See you at the top.
——————-
Stay sharp and take a writing challenge! Can you write a story in a sentence? See mine at http://www.summitabrams.wordpress.com
wow now that got me feeling myself and my world..good work!
Reblogged this on Let's fly with knowledge. and commented:
keep working!!..
A really well apt title and an amazing piece indeed!! Regards, Chaitanya 🙂
Nice post! So true that our creative self and critical self can be at odds with each other.
Than you for the post. Seeing others struggle through the process of writing a manuscript and then the harder part of editing helps to remind myself that it is hard work and even when the draft is done there are at least three more to follow so if it sucks, it will get better so long as I, we, stay motivated and continue to nurture our darlings(at least the ones who remain.)
I’ve just read your posts and It’s inspiring me. I am still an amateur on blogging so I wanna learn it by reading your post..:)
Reblogged this on livia19.
Reblogged this on Synergy for Africa Blog and commented:
So true, our self talk can make or break us! True every day presents a new perspective. Would like to remember this past post https://synergy4africa.wordpress.com/2015/04/27/tomorrows-gonna-be-better-than-today-2/
Love, love, love: “The older me knows that this process is painful, but also knows that the only way to make the pain stop is to keep writing, keep pushing, keep showing up and doing the work.”
Thank you for sharing!
Well said Sarah! I am presently struggling on getting my first novel to completion. The only thing I guess I’m stuck up with is the fact that I still feel, some little thing is missing. I have finished the second revision of a 250 page book and buoy ! I still feel incomplete. Your thoughts are high on inspiration, thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing! It was a beautiful post. I hope you’ll come check out my new page, Real Life Natural Wife and lend me your thoughts. Enjoy the day!
this blog speaks to me… awesome write up
this article speaks to me. awesome write up
Reblogged this on soul2soulmeditation.
I so needed to hear this today “Ignore false negatives. Ignore false positives. Both are Resistance.” Thanks for sharing.
Reading this, I felt like you could be describing what I have been going through for years. I want to write a novel, not a screenplay; but the pain is very much the same. Congratulations on your first draft! Personally, I’m still feeling pretty overwhelmed by the process. However, like you, I KEEP WORKING.
Reblogged this on kmtramel and commented:
This lady gets it!
Reblogged this on Time To Do You… and commented:
A piece of inspiration to be YOU!
Reblogged this on freelittlebirdy.
“…The older me knows that this process is painful, but also knows that the only way to make the pain stop is to keep writing, keep pushing, keep showing up and doing the work. The older me knows that I can’t give up, because if I do, the unfinished work will turn into yet another unrealized dream that will haunt me.”
most inspirational quote. worth reading.
That was amazing 😊
Reblogged this on mandarzade08's Blog.
thanks so much for the motivation…av always been scared,i rely liked the,’ignore false negatives,ignore false positive.both are resistance.i decided to do me,my first brave step,starting a blog….plese check my blog
You can do it!
Beautiful writing. 🙂
Congratulations on being freshly pressed and on your accomplishments.
Really nice post! Enjoyed reading! Congratulations!
Just stumbled upon this but found it most inspiring & something I can very much relate to. Writing my first novel at the moment & am halfway through the first draft. I pat myself on the back after every finished chapter. When I finish the draft I will celebrate in fine style as you should, too. Well done. x
All us creatives get thoughts like that, talking about your negative thoughts has inspired me to beat mine. Thanks. Get up the great posts!
Reblogged this on Ryan Anthony and commented:
Great book mentioned and lovely way to accomplish small internal negative thoughts.
Reblogged this on creativityandconfidence.
This is such a great post, it makes me remember the pride I get when I finally finish a long running project. Your writing is incredible by the way! Great post
Now I have to tell you I loved what you wrote its sooooo true…writing is specially challenging because you’re putting a part of you out there to be judge…I loved your post and I’m sure you’re one good writer hopefully you get some time to go and check my posts and feel free to be all critical lol I don’t mind 😉 GIGI
So glad I stumbled across this! I needed this for sure today with negative self-talk causing mayhem!
Beautifully written. Good luck https://roman853.wordpress.com
Hi Beautiful, thanks for sharing your screenwriting experience!
Hi! I am just waking up in this life! I want to connect with you! I want to learn about you! I want to create cool and exciting things with you! I want tons of money! I want to travel! I want lots of toys! I want to be a good and nice person! I want to be a good Buddhist and stop wanting to stop wanting things! I want to help the Earth be pure again! I want to live in excitement every single moment! I want the BOOM BOOM CLASH LIFE. I want to be a model! I want to be an actor! I want to have a million views on my wordpress site! I want to meet superheros! I want to ride a zipline from the top of Mt. Everest! Sooooo! Come say hi! Check out my site! YAAAAY:):):)
what a great text! thank you so much for that!
Loved it !
Amazing. Keep it up.
Excellent and uplifting!
Reblogged this on Kate Art and Facts.
This is an excellent reminder that our own self-talk, no matter what it is, can stop us in our tracks. I’m glad you persevered. Also, thanks for the book recommendation.
I feel like I could have written this. It helps not feeling so alone. Good luck with your screenplay!!
Reblogged this on chanamaro.
Reblogged this on Exuberance is Beauty. and commented:
Wow. This is exactly how I feel, minus the screenplay, which I assume is amazing? Anyways. This is a truly amazing piece, super well written, recommend it to anyone!
Well written. We all go through this self doubt period of our skills and abilities. As you said,its all about the ride that makes life meaningfull and success .
Reblogged this on Unchain The Tree.
It’s a terrible inner voice we all face from time to time. Even when we think we’ve done our best ever work, something tells that it’s still not enough. It can be difficult to keep moving forward, but it’s worth it. Even if nothing we ever create is read by anyone else, we have to get it out there. Keep going, you’d be doing yourself an injustice not to.
Thank you everyone for all of the lovely comments and the reblogs. If talking about my struggle with my fears and doubts and inner critic is helpful, I am so grateful. Sitting down to write and pushing through that is the hardest thing, but if we show up every day we do keep getting better, even if we don’t realize it. Thank you. Keep writing!
Reblogged this on makeyourvoicesmatter and commented:
Wow…its like I am reading myself.Your story beautifully reflects a large part of my own journey as a writer.Thanks to you know I can actually avoid those bumps on the road and reach my destination safely.Thank you so much for sharing this incredible story.After all we have our own stories to write and tell…😊👍❤👓✴
Reblogged this on chuyii.
it is cool and inspirational
Wonderful Writing! and congratulations on your completed screenplay, what a huge accomplishment to achieve and I wish you the best with wherever your writing will take you!
Amazing piece! I’m new on wordpress, and I hope that one day I’ll be a writer. I have only 3 followers right now and, even though I know it takes time for these things to work out, I’m terrified by rejection. Reading your post was refreshing, knowing that other talented people share my same fears, my same doubts made me feel less alone. It is true that we don’t have control over people’s appreciation to our work, but we always feel like we have to do something, like we have to be perfect. Our writings are part of us, and I really think we’re scared of rejection because. if someone doesn’t like what we write, it should mean they don’t like us. I’ll definitely get that book, it seams to be the right one for me. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Pingback: Embeth’s World | Embeth Reid
Congratulations on your milestone and accomplishment!
Pingback: Words: a Love Story. | Extra Dry Martini
YAAAYYY. Congratulations 😀
Lovely piece! I enjoy reading your posts 🙂 keep on! angelzfallin.wordpress.com
I love this!! Never have truer words been spoken!
Pingback: The Monday Post: Links for Readers and Writers | A Vase of Wildflowers
Fantastic Sarah.
Brilliant post. It’s inspiring.
Nail head interface. This is just what I needed to read today. Now I’m going to stop reading other people’s work and get back to that WIP… 🙂
The human condition: self doubt. Strength of character is the only solution. Push on until the damn thing is done:)
Can I identify, or what? I have been struggling with three works in progress. I had great faith in two of them, but after the loss of my husband two years ago, I lost initiative, and faith in my work in aspirations. I am beginning to move forward now. Completion is in sight. And that is what I need for now.
Hey Sarah, I am exactly in the same position and new to penning down my emotions in the form of written expression. Can totally relate to all the positive and negative thoughts pounding your brain about own work. But you have really nailed it, after all writing isn’t about being liked or admired; rather giving wings to your feelings. You have certainly motivated me to keep at it and with experience things will improve. Top work!!
Pingback: Ten thousand. | Extra Dry Martini
Congratz on finishing your screenplay. You have my respects. The format of the screenplay is something that seems like an insurmountable barrier to me. I found your experience and insight quite inspirational. I have read the book you mentioned and now I want to go through it once more.